The last episode of Supernatural that Jensen Ackles will ever direct, and he really had fun with it. Well done, sir!

THEN

Becky, Amara rightly leaves Chuck on his own, Becky, Becky, Jack still dead, Becky.

NOW

The bunker is awash in red, alarms ringing, and a demon hurtling into a wall. Enter a bearded Dean Winchester, kicking ass and looking HAWT. Part of me feels like this is Jensen spooling up his audition tape for when the show is over, but I COULD CARE LESS. It is fun, and brutal, and I’m pretty sure it’s some sort of dream sequence or else things have escalated faster than normal for show.

This was the first episode they shot this season, since Jensen was directing, and they took advantage of his hiatus beard to full effect. And they give us a nice little cameo by the beloved character Benny! But he dies almost as soon as he shows up on screen. More dead demons, then Dean slinks through the halls, ending up in the library, confronted by an eerily calm Sam.

Something terrible happened in Sioux Falls, and show better not kill Donna and Jodi!!! (Alternate Bobby is fine, I’m not attached to him anyway. He is not the real Bobby, no matter what any of you say!) Sam has been drinking demon blood again, for some reason, and after he kills one of Dean’s buddies with his mind (!!), Dean begs Sammy to stop. Sammy tells him that he’s in his way, and snaps his big brother’s neck. We see Dean fall to the ground, just like in the first vision Sam had back at the beginning of the season.

DAMMIT SAMMY

Sam wakes up from this dream? Vision? Whatever it is, I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS. First one being, why didn’t Sam go straight to Dean and tell him what he saw? HAVE THESE BOYS LEARNED NOTHING???

I am guessing that Sam’s connection to Chuck via their mutual twinsies wounds may have something to do with all of this, and I get that Sam likes to figure out his stuff on his own, but when Dean had the Mark of Cain, Sam pestered him and finagled things behind his back, and never gave up, and I’m just saying HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING, BOYS?

When Sam does join Dean for breakfast, Dean claims that the skillet full of bacon sitting in front of him is veggie bacon, and even that doesn’t tempt Sam. Dean is concerned, as Sam has barely left his room since Rowena tossed herself into the pit to save the world. So, knowing that hitting the road cures all, Dean tells Sam they are off to check out a suspicious death in Beaverdale, Iowa. (Oh, show!!) When Sam finally takes a bite of the bacon, he realizes Dean was goofing all along, as The Meat Man would never cook up anything but the real deal bacon. Dean is very cute. Meat Man!!

Sam spends the whole hunt being grouchy, and Dean eats a lot, a la Brad Pitt’s character in the Ocean’s movies, OR, as pointed out by others, a la Dean Winchester, season one.

Sometimes I am not so quick. But it’s good to have observant friends.

They start at the local high school, where the first girl went missing. Finding a pair of selfishly invested parents, and then a bunch of dead ends. Dean finds a vamp fang in the dead girl at the morgue, and they finally come down on the best friend being the vampire. But when they confront her, Sam notices the best friend has braces, making it pretty hard to ‘fang out’.

They have run out of leads, when another girl gets abducted! Lucky them! Our beautiful boys track the license plate from the security footage, and end up at the home of the selfish jerks that Sam was so irritated by back about 25 minutes ago.

There is the sound of a struggling something out in the garage, so Sam goes to investigate, while Dean keeps an eye on the father, who he is sure is the vampire. The exhausting mother finds Sam, and pulls a gun on him as he is trying to rescue the cheerleader. Sam picks her up, and carries her back to Dean, mom aiming her pistol the whole time. The son finally fesses up, he’s the one who killed the girl. They were dating, and making out like teens do, when he bit her, and the blood was so dang tasty, he couldn’t help but to drain her. He told his parents, who have been helping him get blood ever since. Just because their son is a vampire, doesn’t mean he can’t go to Yale!!

Luckily, the kid is a better person than his parents, and volunteers to be taken to the woods and beheaded, knowing that he doesn’t have the strength to stop killing. Dean does the honors, after having to listen to the dad tell him he has no idea what it’s like to be a parent, and I am all HELL HE DOESN’T. I can start with Ben, and go from there, but Dean just takes it, and I will go sit down for a second.

On the ride home, Dean reiterates to Sam that he thinks the work they do is important, so that others don’t have to go through the trauma they’ve been through. Sam admits he still thinks about Jessica (Aww!). Dean says that to keep on fighting honors everyone who has lost their lives helping them, but Sammy isn’t convinced. He doesn’t feel free, and I am betting that a good chunk of this angst is because of the horrible (but awesomely directed) dream that he had, that he should probably tell Dean about instead of talking about Jessica!

I’M JUST SAYIN’

Just as interesting, and ultimately more horrifying, is the B story this episode. Chuck, feeling desperate, makes the decision all narcissists make, and seeks out Becky Rosen, hoping for a much needed ego boost from Samlicker81. But Becky has gotten her shit together through extensive therapy, and found herself a nice husband and a couple of cute kids. She is still a Supernatural fan, but discovered that she was not in love with the actual Sam Winchester, but the character, and has started writing her own books, involving the boys doing laundry and having chats. She is also the largest unofficial Supernatural merchandise supplier on Etsy, and we see many of her creations surrounding her as we spend some time with Becky and Chuck.

Chuck insists that people like monsters, but Becky is adamantly against them. Chuck almost gives up that he’s not just a prophet, but side steps that for the moment, as Becky tells him that maybe he’s feeling bad because he hasn’t been writing.

Chuck, looking like a light just went on over his head, decides he will start writing right now, much to Becky’s chagrin. This was supposed to be her day, having sent off her family for a fishing trip, but Chuck does not care. Because Chuck is an immature jerk. He taps out a quick rough draft, and asks Becky to read it. She tells him its fine, but this sends Chuck into a rage, telling her its a rough draft, and to be honest with him. So Becky lists the things she doesn’t like.

Chuck is mildly offended, and goes back to work. When Becky reads the revised version, she can’t believe what he has done to the Winchesters, a look of horror on her face, “It’s awful! Horrible. It’s hopeless. You can’t do this to the fans. What you did to Dean? What you did to Sam?” Chuck just tells her that he thinks the fans will love it.

I cannot tell you how worried this makes me!! What in the ever loving hell did he do to our beautiful boys? And how will they get through this intact? It’s the last season. Maybe they won’t make it out alive. I swear to Chuck, if Andrew Dabb ends this show in misery and death, I don’t know what I will do. Please, please give us a kernel of hope here, show!

ANYWAY

Becky’s family comes home, and Becky is all, You Need To Go, but Chuck likes the place, and poofs her husband. Then he poofs her kids. Becky, wild-eyed at the disappearance of her family demands to know what just happened. Chuck tells her he’s God, that her family is not dead, just somewhere else, and then poofs Becky too!

DAMMIT CHUCK

So, Chuck has gone full Bad Guy. Shame. But Rob Benedict played it so well!! And Emily Jean Perkins brought us a great new version of Becky Rosen, and I hope she’s not gone gone, because I would like to see someone get out of this thing alive!

The only quote worth quoting!

Sam: “Yeah. But every time I ask for it, you say, and I’m quoting, “I don’t want any of that hippie, Sarah McLachlan grass-eater crap in the Meat Man’s kitchen”. Which, by the way, for what it’s worth, you got to stop calling yourself “The Meat Man”. It It doesn’t mean what you think it means.”

NEXT!

Dean digs up some old IDs and hilarity ensues.