You know what is worse than watching Sammy die a horrible death? Watching how it absolutely breaks Dean. I mean, GAH.

So, we begin this episode with what turns out to be one of Sam’s dreams, with everyone, including Mary and Jack, sitting together in the bunker, eating pizza and drinking beers. It is sweet, and the ending we are all hoping for. Which makes me feel like none of it will happen at all. Because this show loves to torture us.

Okay, so we do have Rowena and Gabriel in the bunker, and they are both on #TeamSaveJackandMary. All they need is some of Gabriel’s grace to make the spell go ZOOM. When Gabriel joins the group – after extracting his angelic grace in private – he crows about how strong his tiny amount of grace is, which leads to some of the dirtiest innuendo this show has ever done, I think. Leave it to Gabriel to go full Laying Pipe dirty.

And of course, after all that bluster, the spell only opens the door to the AU for a moment, and then flails limply, before poofing into nothing.

Many more dick jokes are tossed about, until Cass is all, we must speak of the elephant in the room: Lucifer.

The whole room goes stiff (HA!) at the mention of his name, but everyone knows, with Gabriel out of angel juice, Lucifer is their only option. Cass is all, we broke it, we gotta buy it.

You know what I mean, and good for Cass for laying it on the line here, as everyone else has been kind of more wobbly than I’d like on the whole subject, and Cass, Sam and Dean go for a pow-wow in the kitchen.

Sam, Dean and Cass come back from the kitchen to tell Rowena and Gabriel of their new plan, and stumble right into a Rowena-Gabriel quickie in the stacks. Gabriel holding the book in front on his crotch is endlessly hilarious, as the 300 year old witch and the arch angel try to play it cool.

The stunned look on Sam and Dean’s faces are good, but Castiel’s refusal to even look anywhere but towards the floor is the gold of this reaction shot. Lololol.

Once the decision is made, we cut to Lucy himself, drinking away his problems in an empty bar that suspiciously has the image of a moose head on the front door. I must admit, while I noticed the moose, it did not clue me in to the fact that this bar turns out to be one of Gabriel’s tricks. A pretty good trick, I might add, as Gabriel and Rowena – both killed by Lucifer – circle him and bind him once the spell Rowena cast takes effect.

Back in the bunker, Lucifer comes to, and sees he’s surrounded by “All the people I love to torture in the same room.” Hee. Our Lucifer is the BEST Lucifer.

Sam’s idea is to keep the rift open indefinitely. Rowena casts the spell while Lucifer is bound, and his grace is allowed to drip drip drip slowly, keeping the door open for our boys to go in and retrieve Mary and Jack.

Everyone except Rowena steps through to the other side, and Rowena is left babysitting Lucy. A fact that he uses to bait and cajole Rowena until she finally snaps, and tells Lucille (hee) that not only is Momma Winchester on the other side, but so is his son Jack.

Rage, always Lucifer’s prime motivator, lets him break free from his binding, and he traps Rowena against the wall, threatening to kill her. Again. But this time, Rowena has her wits about her, and is able to fling Lucifer off of her! Too bad that fling sent him directly through the rift!!

This unfortunate series of events is enough for Rowena to pack up her stuff, including the Black Grimoire, and bail out of there.

Except Rowena has changed, and much to her chagrin – and several “Bollocks!” – she decides to stay and try to figure out a way to get everyone back.

After a very clumsy landing in the AU, Sam, Dean, Cass and Gabriel get their bearings, and head towards Dayton.  Cass informs Gabriel of the dire situation in Heaven, and he says that maybe Heaven is ready for an angel who’s a screw-up. Dean comments to Sam that he seems lighter. Sam is happy to finally be in the AU, and headed for Mary and Jack.

Our four travelers meet a couple, after killing an attacking vampire, and go all “Lord of the Rings” on them, when Sam insists they go through the tunnels full of vampires, instead of taking the long way round the mountain. Everyone agrees that they can handle a nest of vampires, but I am all, NOOOOOOOOOO.

After a few fake-outs, the real vampire attack happens, and it is confusing and claustrophobic, and when the dust clears, one half of the couple they saved is eaten, and Sammy has his throat ripped out, and is dragged off as Dean fights off the vampires attacking him, trying to get to his mortally wounded brother.

It is terrible. Just wait until he cries when he tells his mom.

Cass runs to go find Sam, but comes back to tell Dean that he can’t be saved, and that they have to continue to Dayton. Castiel is the spine of the crew this episode, and it is clearly causing him great misery to have to watch the people he loves suffer over and over.

I love Castiel.

So our now trio carries on, and when they get to the outer edges of the camp they are looking for, Gabriel has to deactivate the angel warding, so Cass can continue. Just as that happens, rebels come out of the woods, threatening our trio with guns, but before anything else terrible happens, Mary emerges and sees Castiel. YAY!

And then she sees Dean, and neither Dean or I can keep our eyes dry. They hug, and the look on Dean’s face, knowing he has to tell his mom that he couldn’t save Sammy. Gutted. Because we all know Dean will take ALL of the blame for Sam’s death, because that’s what Dean does.

But Lucifer is there! And as he tracks our foursome, he runs into some of Michael’s angels, and drains them of their grace, so when he finds Sammy all bloody and dead in the vampire tunnel, he brings him back to life.

The scenes between Lucifer and Sam are always awesome, but this one is even more awesome, especially when Sam gets to his wits end, and yells, “What do you want?”

It’s maybe the final bits of Sam’s fear burning up. I like it.

And Sam really doesn’t have any other good choices here. Letting Lucifer tag along is the only option, no matter how much he hates it. And Lucifer is also probably right, that they need him in the fight against Michael. Arch angels are hard to kill, yo!

They make it to camp, and Dean packs up to go back for Sam’s body; Jack is chastising Cass for not saving Sam; and then Sammy himself walks his blood stained self into camp. Everyone is happy, until Lucifer reveals himself, and then everyone is all BOOOOO.

This was an excellent episode, and I love that after thirteen freakin’ seasons, they can still kill one of the brothers and make it believable, and urgent, and visceral. One of the best things about this show back in the olden days, was when they would front load the episode with the funny, and then gut punch us with some awful awfulness by the end.

Nice to see they still have it in them to kill us dead. Love it.

QUOTES!

Castiel: “Look, Sam, I was used by Lucifer, too. It was the worst possible violation. So I-I’m not taking your reluctance lightly, but he is already out there, and we’ve been ignoring it and avoiding dealing with him because we’re afraid. We let Lucifer out of the Cage, and he has never stopped being our responsibility.”

Lucifer: “Oh, hey, Sam. Oh, look at this. All the people I love to torture in the same room. What’s the occasion, guys?”

Gabriel: “Grace on tap. Sorry, bro.”

Gabriel: “I skipped out on Heaven, Castiel. They wouldn’t want me back. As far as they’re concerned, I’m a screw up. Hell, as far as I’m concerned, I’m a screw up.”  Castiel: “Well, Heaven’s been run into the ground by upstanding angels. Perhaps a screw up is just the change we need.”

Sam: “What do you want?”  Lucifer: “What do I want? I want what everyone wants. I want a personal apology from Pop. I want rerun-free, year-round episodes of Drag Race.”

Lucifer: “Look, Sammy, I’m — I’m not asking you to — to like it, or to like me. All I’m asking is that you acknowledge the truth, that I was the one who brought you back to life, that I was the one who lifted you from the darkness and into the light. Okay? Apocalypse World, Michael’s armies — you really think you and your family can handle that stuff alone? You need me.”