OK, let me start by saying that the entirety of Monday night’s episode was about as far from Awesometastic as you can get.
In fact, I almost fell asleep a couple of times. Or would have, anyway, if I hadn’t been liveblogging.
But that 30 seconds or so — you know what I’m talking about — were among the best 30 seconds in the history of this storied show.
Let’s recap, shall we?
Renee stabs the crap out of Leoben Vlad, ’till he’s dead and bloody on the floor. Jack comes in, Renee stabs him in the gut.
Oops.
Jack slumps to the ground.
Suddenly, a bad guy bursts in! Without missing a beat, Jack slides the knife out of his gut and flings it across the room as only Jack Bauer can, stabbing the bad guy in the throat. I think he got pinned against the wall, even.
But wait, there’s more.
Jack and Renee leave the room, whereupon Jack shoots two more bad guys — to death! By the way, he’s bleeding a lot.
They hear other bad guys coming (these happen to be a totally different set of bad guys who were coming to kill the first set of bad guys), so Renee hides in a closet or really huge vent of some sort next to the shower, while Jack gives himself up so he can go undercover and get the nuclear rods.
Did I mention that Jack has a huge blood stain on his shirt that’s still growing when he does this?
I mean, come ON. If that short stretch didn’t energize you and make you fist pump and shout, “YEAH!” then you’re not really a fan of 24.
A few other notes:
• Renee is awesome, but her head is totally where Jack’s was in Season 2. Remember how he was going to fly the live nuke over the desert until George Mason, dying from radiation poisoning, insisted on sacrificing himself instead, seeing as he was gonna die anyway? Yep, just that messed up. There’s hope for the girl, though. I mean, look at Jack now … oh, nevermind.
• Dana Walsh is an idiot.
• Her boyfriend is a bigger idiot.
• Her boyfriend’s friend is the biggest idiot. I mean, REALLY. And who didn’t see it coming that he was going to beat the crap out of the cop with that baseball bat?
• Really, Dumber and Dumbest? You couldn’t just steal money without trashing the evidence cage like you were a pair of monkeys?
• Oh, Dana, maybe if you weren’t so consumed with the grand theft you’re helping to orchestrate (by the way, that was a rather fast turnaround, too bad the morons couldn’t even read a simple four-digit number), someone would have noticed people going in through sewer pipes and stuff, and maybe would know where Jack is. Chloe’s pissed. You don’t want to piss her off. Really. Remember Season 5 when she Tased that guy in the bar just because he was annoying? Twice?
• Arlo, could you be a little less obvious that you have the hots for Dana? I mean, you’re right to be suspicious and all, but that will be little consolation when you’re sent to HR. CTU does not condone sexual harassment. Moles and spies, sure. But sexual harassment? Step off.
• President Cankles – don’t gossip like a schoolgirl about major national security issues. It would be one thing if it were your right-hand-man who was spilling state secrets to the ambassador, while telling him it’s for the Prime Minister’s ears only. But YOU ARE THE PRESIDENT. Mmmkay?
• President Hairbib – please, for the love of all that’s holy, get a haircut. It’s very distracting.
Yeah, that’s it. Please, next week be more of the last little bit of this week and pretty much none of the first 56 minutes? kthanxbai.